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Bold, Beautiful & Fierce

Journal entry: November 3, 2018

I am really starting to contemplate the idea of allowing the natural color of my hair to shine forth. This idea excites me because it would be a weight lifted off of my shoulders of having to slave & color my hair every 2 to 3 weeks. Trying to keep up with unattainable standards of beauty, unrealistic standards of beauty & unnecessary standards beauty.

Looking at the silver hair peaking through from my scalp, I see beauty in the hair & I realize that I have been brainwashed to believe that I need to look younger than what I really am. That in order for me to be beautiful, of value & of any importance, I must color my hair, as if the natural color of my hair is flawed.

I remember being about four or five years old & thinking that I would never be beautiful because I wasn’t blonde. Eventually I began to embrace the color of my hair as I got older, but the texture of my hair was never too pretty, at least by societal standards. I washed & straightened my hair every single day for years. It is now in my late 30s that I am finally embracing the natural wave of my hair. I love my hair straight, wavy, styled, natural. Any which way my hair is beautiful & it makes me happy. It’s an extension of who I am, but of course it is not who I am.

I have been struggling recently with the idea of continuing to color my hair because I feel like I’m doing that please others & not myself. Now that I’m having this realization I think I want to make a bold change, but allowing the natural color of my hair to be seen will make my appearance age drastically.

My ego appreciates when someone thinks I am younger than I am, but why is being 37 years old or any age a non-positive thing? Getting older is a blessing, getting older is a right of passage, getting older allows us to not just be older, but wiser. I feel that until I embrace all of me, I’m still trying to fit in, rather than be my full authentic self.

I feel like I am ready, but my ego is holding me back. I will be kind, gentle & loving to myself but know that when I am ready to take the leap into silver hair it will be bold, beautiful & fierce.

✨best decision ever!

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